


The Penis Never Lies

by quittersneverwin



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:09:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/quittersneverwin/pseuds/quittersneverwin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras goes to his friends for help with a rather sensitive problem<br/>Based off: http://little-smartass.tumblr.com/post/48470716533/a-stupid-idea-that-wouldnt-leave-me-alone</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Penis Never Lies

“I know what it is, Courfeyrac, I did study biology at school.” Enjolras sighed deeply. Usually he would have gone to Combeferre with such problems but, for some reason, his friend seemed unwilling to talk about this particular issue. Besides, Courfeyrac had more experience (as well as, to Enjolras’ alarm, a flip chart) surrounding this area and managed to make Enjolras feel less embarrassed about the whole situation. He knew he shouldn’t; that is was ‘all part of nature’, but he could still feel a blush creeping at the top of his cheekbones.

Courfeyrac leaned in closer, wrapping his arm around Enjolras’ shoulders. “So, when did it start?” 

In an attempt to appear oblivious, Enjolras managed to shrug while disengaging himself from his friend’s grasp. In truth, he knew precisely when this had started, but it was not information he intended to divulge. 

Not one to give up easily, Courfeyrac subsequently began to guess of his own accord. “I know!” He was still leaning in uncomfortably close to Enjolras. “It was when you saw Grantaire boxing. I know it was. Especially in those shorts that sit so low you can almost see his..” 

“No, Courf,” Enjolras debated storming off, “you’re being ridiculous.” He didn’t need to be reminded because, in all honesty, Courfeyrac was right: that was when it had started. 

In the realisation that this could be his only chance to get the help he needed, Enjolras turned back to the slightly deflated Courfeyrac. "Ok, listen, you were right." He ignored the triumphant punching of the air and continued. "I was going to set up my yoga mat and Grantaire was there and he was sweaty and topless and then..." Enjolras heard himself trail off as the mental image filled his mind. Quite out of the blue, he felt the thing again. He turned to Courfeyrac, who was wearing both a grin that practically split his face in half and an expression of pure terror.

Luckily, his friend, who had a worrying amount of experience in this area seemed to know exactly how to deal with the issue. "Don't you worry, my friend, I know exactly what this means."

"Which is?" To be perfectly honest, Enjolras was confused as to why Courfeyrac didn't just spit it out. He wasn't usually this elusive. In fact, it was usually a challenge to get him to shut up. 

Courfeyrac drew closer to his friend and cupped his hand in front of his mouth. In a stage whisper, he hissed "It means you want to have sex with Grantaire." The comment seemed to make a fair deal of sense but Enjolras couldn't let on that he had already jumped to this conclusion and had firmly pushed it out of - well, to the back of - his mind. Also, although he considered Courfeyrac to be one of his closest friends, he also had a mouth could sometimes be bigger than he intended and secrets did sometimes get spilt. 

"NO I DO NOT!" But Courfeyrac refused to be fended off. He simply leaned in even closer - did he actually understand that, sometimes, people needed a space of their own? 

“Alas, my friend, the penis never lies." 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Combeferre looked up from the book he had had his nose buried in. He was surprised that even Courfeyrac had been able to solve the issue so quickly. He had assumed either that Enjolras would give up with the strange behaviour of their friend or Courfeyrac would go into so much depth about the issue that the rest of the day would have been spent going into immaculate details that would make even the most level headed and open members of society blush.

It unnerved him somewhat that his friend was grinning evilly. "Oh my, Courf, what have you done?"

"I was simply addressing the problem that you handed to me." Courfeyrac’s tone of voice, smile that only seemed to grow, and erratically wagging eyebrows combined to increase the feeling of unease in Combeferre's chest. He raised his eyebrow as a way of demanding an answer. "Ok, ok," His friend was worryingly pleased with himself. "I told him that the only way to get rid of his 'little problem’” (some exaggerated winks on Courf’s behalf simply agitated Combeferre all the more) “is to have sex with R." He grinned, clearly thinking that he had done a good job.

“You did what?" Combeferre found himself yelling and standing in his fury and shock. Courfeyrac stepped back and threw his hands up as a way of trying to appear innocent. “Do you have any idea how long it took me to even persuade him that they could be in a room together? Do you have any clue of how little Enjolras understands about this sort of this? Do you have no concept of how quickly this is going to send them right back to the start? If you value anything good in your life you will get to Grantaire before Enjolras does and stop anything happening or I swear to God Courfeyrac…” He let himself trail off ominously. Besides, Courf hadn’t stayed in the room long enough to hear any of the threats Combeferre could lay upon him. He settled back down with his book but kept a keen ear alert so as to be able to determine whether or not he’d need to follow through with any of his warnings.

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Enjolras didn't really know how to approach this problem. He had listened to Courfeyrac but now he had to actually, physically ask the favour of Grantaire. Despite the fact that he prided himself on his usual way with words, Enjolras was unsure of how he could phrase it. He thought it best to put it as a question first even though the suggestion given to him was to just 'go with the flow'.

All too soon, he was positioned outside Grantaire's door. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe he should just walk away and deal with the inconvenience. No, he was not going to be beaten by childish nerves. He took a deep breath.

"Grantaire?" A noise of confirmation from within prompted him to continue. "Well, I have something to ask you?" Enjolras mentally kicked himself for sounding so unsure - he could do this. There were sounds of things being hastily tidied away as Grantaire seemed to prepare himself to open the door. Enjolras wondered why - he'd seen his room in a mess before. Maybe he was painting something. He reached out to open the door himself.

Before he could even set foot inside the room, a great weight knocked him sideways. Something was gripping Enjolras tightly and stopping him from moving. Enjolras could tell from the overpriced aftershave the mass was wearing that it was Courfeyrac who seemed to be shouting something about 'completing a mission' or something of the sorts. Whatever it was, Enjolras was not getting anywhere near Grantaire and the pair were left feeling just as, if not more confused than before.


End file.
